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Ok so an hour ago, at work, I had to pee. This isn’t unusual as I seem to have the stupidest bladder in the history of mankind.

The problem was that someone was in the staff washroom at the time, so I had to use the one outside the office in the hallway.

The public one!

I get in there and immediately revel in the fact that I’m the only one needing to pee at that exact moment. It is something to be treasured because these wonderful moments don’t happen often.

Alas, my joy was short lived 🙁

Within seconds, a woman with a very young toddler walked in, and although there were three stalls and I was in an end one, she decided to use the one RIGHT BESIDE ME!!!

Joy!

I should mention I occasionally have pee performance issues.

So as I sat there patiently waiting, the little girl – whom the woman has left standing with her cell phone in the stall with her – decides that looking under the divider was a fun choice of things to do while bored.

There I am, staring at this kid, shaking my head in amazement, waiting for the woman to be all “Don’t look under there sweetheart” or whatever the appropriate response to a child staring at a half-naked stranger sitting on the potty would be.

The child grins at me and generously offers the woman’s cell phone despite the fact that I’m energetically making ‘shoo’ motions at her.

At this point the woman finally said, “Oh honey don’t give away my phone.”

BUT STARING AT SOME STRANGE WOMAN WITH HER PANTS AROUND HER ANKLES WAS OK?!?!

The child then looks up at her awkwardly…definitely nowhere near removing her face from my vicinity…overbalances, and falls on her bum.

Her hands touch the dirty bathroom floor…repeatedly…and I cringe as any sane mother would.

The phone, however, was still fine so the woman wasn’t worried.

As I sat there, pee-less due to performance stress and staring at this child, I wondered how freaking long it would take this woman to pee and get out of the damn washroom…and prayed it would be before my co-workers sent a search party to find me.

Finally, after the child had rubbed her hands on the ground enough to ensure a full germy epidemic would soon be on the horizon, the woman stood, flushed, and picked the kid up.

I fully expected her to wash the kids bathroom-floor-hands before leaving, but through the crack in the door (faaaar too big for my comfort by-the-way), I saw her wash her own hands, dry them, then walk out holding germy-hands-kid.

Seriously?? WTF???

Good God now the poor kid was going to get some kind of horrible disease and die.

Ok maybe a smidge of an overreaction, but come on…BATHROOM FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE DAMN TOILET!!! EEEEWWWW!

I finally finished my peeing mission and made it back to my desk to find that germy-hands-kid and woman were in my waiting room. Waiting for the kids mother who was seeing one of our doctors.

OMG woman! It’s not even your kid and you’re trying to kill it?

I then sat there in horror as I watched her laugh and play with the kid on her lap.

The kid was merrily touching her face, and at one point even stuck her hand into the woman’s mouth and hung on to her teeth.

DID YOU NOT SEE THE CHILD ON THE GERMY TOILET FLOOR IN FRONT OF YOU WHEN YOU WERE PEEING?!?! AHHHHHH!!!! I can’t! I just can’t!!! *shudder*

I have now sworn off other people’s children forever because even the thought of some kid touching my face with bathroom-floor-hands has me ready to puke.

As if this wasn’t bad enough, mom came out and the baby was incredibly happy to see her. Mom told baby that the doctor fixed her tooth, to which baby said, “See?”

Yup! Mom then had a mouthful of bathroom-floor-hands as the kid probed to find the fixed tooth. I’m not sure I shall survive today.

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 Posted on : June 20, 2014
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