Ok so I started taking the bus to work and have realized WTF IS WITH ALL THESE LUNATICS??? Apparently I board the bus to Crazytown every bloody day. Plus I’m sure they are all slowly turning into zombies and will kill me soon. Seriously, I found a bone on the bus the other day. Just a random bone that I’m pretty sure belonged to a human hand at one point but was most likely gnawed off by a hungry lunatic-zombie-going-to-Crazytown one night when nobody was looking. Also people smell.
I was on the bus a couple days ago and this woman next to me had recently taken a bath in perfume, probably to cover up her rotting zombie smell. I almost died. I’m not even kidding…I have asthma and I’m one of those people who HATES to draw attention to herself so I just kinda quietly sat there unable to breathe while wheezing for most of the ride. I tried to keep the wheezing quiet so as not to disturb anyone, but after literally dying for about ten minutes of my twenty minute bus ride, I realized I wasn’t going to make it if I didn’t use my inhaler. There wasn’t a lot of oxygen going to my brain at that point so avoiding the sheer embarrassment of having to save my own life in front of a pack of zombies kind of went down on the priority list. Of course, after my second puff it suddenly dawned on me that I had just shown the lunatic-zombie folk my greatest weakness. Stupid lungs and an irrational fear of dying in public. I’m still alive so far but fear they are plotting my demise. I will let you know if they were intelligent enough to sense my weakness and eat my face off, possibly by coming back as a zombie and eating you, but either way you will be informed. Tomorrow I shall trick them by inserting a can of mace into my inhaler’s chamber just in case.
Note to self: Put some kind of identifying mark on that particular inhaler to avoid killing myself.
Another note to self: Make sure to pack real inhaler too.
Another another note to self: Stay home tomorrow because now I can’t remember which inhaler is the mace one. Shit!
