Well I managed to cry myself awake this morning.
No that wasn’t a typo.
First of all let me just say…it’s SUNDAY!
And my munchkins are with their dad!
Aaaanyway…I don’t normally remember my dreams anymore, but when I wake up swimming in tears, that kind of makes it stand out a little.
Let me set the scene.
I was back in school.
I know…that’s a nightmare right there.
My middle daughter, Skyler, was apparently my sister.
Anyway, somehow it moved on to us getting our grades at the end of the year.
Naturally, our grades came in the form of a small bag of chips with points written on the back where the ‘calories’ would normally be.
I blame this grade-delivery-method on the incessant calorie counting and exercising I’ve been doing lately in an attempt to find my abs which went into hiding when I got pregnant with my first child.
Skyler’s bag said 3. Mine…0!
Well, it seems that because I was ‘talking’ when I wasn’t supposed to (to tell Skyler to be quiet), I lost my points.
Well what else was I to do at that point but try to explain myself to the teacher, and tell her it was completely unfair.
I told her that she had to either take 3 points from Skyler, or give me mine back.
It was no longer a matter of points at that point.
Once, when I was in high school, I had done an English project on Marilyn Monroe.
We had to put together a diary she would have written and include diary entries, post cards, pictures etc.
Ever the perfectionist, I chose to do mine on the computer.
It was brilliant!
Another girl in my class (the teacher’s pet, by-the-way) did hers by hand and even though I try never to judge, I thought mine looked very good in comparison.
She got an A+, I got a B.
The entire class knew this girl was the teacher’s pet, so it wasn’t just something I had gotten into my head or anything. Besides, some of the other kids had done theirs on the computer as well and one had gotten an A, so I knew the ‘computer’ wasn’t a factor.
Feeling incredibly upset, I approached the teacher and asked what was wrong with my project to warrant a B when ‘pet’s’ project managed an A+.
I didn’t call her ‘pet’ to the teachers face of course. That would have been rude.
Teacher shrugged and said ‘pet’ had tried harder.
Apparently teacher must have been drinking while she was assigning grades because the amount of time, effort, and computer expertise that had gone into my project was…A LOT!!!
I had used Photoshop for God’s sake!
At 15 years old!
Anyway, she refused to change my grade, soooo…I went to the principal and explained the situation.
I told the principal I wasn’t upset that the other girl had gotten a good grade because I am happy when other people do well, but I thought I was treated unfairly because the other girl was liked more, and for some reason teacher didn’t seem to like me much even though I was quiet and did my work well. I told him I wanted to get his opinion of my work.
After seeing my project, my principal agreed immediately that it was indeed very good and that I deserved a far better grade than I had gotten. He said he would talk to the teacher that afternoon.
The next day, teacher-lady called me up to her desk to say she had decided to review my work and gave me an A.
It was not the A+ that I had hoped for, but I had accomplished my goal of righting a wrong. I stood up for myself and won.
I was also comforted with the thought that the English teacher would be very careful about favoritism from that point on, so maybe other students wouldn’t have their grades suffer needlessly because of petty actions.
And now, back to my dream.
I told the dream teacher that if she didn’t reconsider my mark, I would go to the principal, school board, newspapers, and whoever else I had to in order to get justice.
Yes a little over the top for 3 measly points, but it was a dream after all.
The scene then changed and I found myself in bed (still dreaming), sobbing because of the feeling of helplessness and the injustice of the whole situation.
Then I woke up and realized that my pillow was soaked because I was actually really crying.
I guess lately I’ve been a bit on edge and frustrated with how my life is going and it is starting to affect me more than I thought.
I have been stressed out about a number of things, and there are feelings of frustration, helplessness, and injustice, so I suppose it’s only natural that it seeps into my dream world as well.
I guess it’s a lesson learned though.
Even when people are doing things to cause you anxiety and stress, whether it be an ex, a parent, or a friend, you need to find productive outlets for those negative feelings of anger, sorrow, or helplessness, or they will eat away at you day after day until they eventually invade the sanctity your dreams.
I for one would rather use my dreams as a means of escaping the stress of reality, not have it follow me there and wake me up at an ungodly hour on a weekend.