Anxiety 200 x 200

TikTok anxiety

After literally a year of my youngest child pestering me to try TikTok and attempting to show me random dances on there, I finally got curious about it when my older brother mentioned it in our weekly Facetime chat.

Apparently it isn’t just all kinds of teenagers dancing for 2 seconds to random music.

I know…I’m as shocked as you are.

This strange app has regular adults on there, like…well…like me. I mean, ok I’m a bit of a stretch from what one would call ‘normal’, but you see where I’m going here.

There are moms, dads, even grandparents, as well as doctors, dentists, and all manner of business people. Some use it to promote their businesses in fun ways, some use it to blow off steam, some to try to help a cause dear to their heart, others to spew hate (we shall not discuss them further), and then there’s a particular group of the most wonderful people who have found a way to use it in the most spectacular of ways; they’ve realized that there’s an entire universe of people out there…strangers who have become closer than family…who will and do continue to uplift them in their time of need and keep them going one day to the next when they might have otherwise given up on life…literally. And to the folks who have such an amazing and wonderful heart that they can ‘see’ these peoples’ pain and know that LOVE is needed in that moment…YOU are the one we need more of in this world. You with the beautiful heart who willingly gives what is needed to help someone you don’t even know because what you DO know is that if you didn’t give them your love and support…it could possibly mean the difference between life or death for that person. I see what you’ve done…I read the comments…I appreciate what you do for those people, and I love you so much for it…for having such a beautiful heart.

TikTok fills so many voids in peoples lives in so many ways, and it also helps people in many more ways.

Take me for instance. I’m an introverted author who suffers from anxiety and panic attacks and I have adhd. Super fun right?

I’m also the kind of person who doesn’t like to give in to my limitations, so I’m constantly working to overcome them. How does TikTok help with that?

  1. It takes a LOT of focus to remember the words I’m lip synching to or the new signs I’m learning for a song (I’m teaching myself more sign language to be more inclusive on this app). This is helping me learn ways to manage ADHD.
  2. There are Psychologists on the app giving free info on the topic which I use to my advantage.
  3. I’ve been on the app for roughly 4-5 months now and only today got up enough courage to post my first real video (other than a quick blooper yesterday that was about 2 seconds long). More on my video below. The more I post, the more I’ll become comfortable with people judging me and be able to brush things off without as much anxiety because I’m purposely focusing on making this a priority.

I expect eventually the routine of posting a video will become less panic-inducing than it was today, or at least it better because today was…interesting haha.

I’m always petrified when my youngest touches my phone while I’m using it because in the past she has caused things to happen that I didn’t want by pressing stuff (she’s 12 and taller than me by the way lmao).

So anyway, there I was, not knowing how to do anything when it came to actually posting the video and each step I had to go through. Kids, of course, are pros and instead of telling the adult what to do, like to just reach over and press a hundred and one buttons with the speed of a cheetah, making the person panic. Or is that just me?

I asked her to help me and she immediately grabbed for my phone and I immediately panicked and yanked my arm and phone away, flinging it across the bedroom. The phone, not my arm.

She dissolved into gales of laughter while I ran after my poor phone and glared at her.

After we settled down again, I specified that she was to help me from two feet away. She complied, but while I was trying to pick a cover picture from the video, she kept acting exasperated and saying, “ok that one, hurry…that one is fine…ugh omg mom….that one….MOM!!!”

It’s almost like she doesn’t realize it must be the absolute perfect one ever because it’s the very first video I’m posting. I mean really!!! *eye roll*

So after I slowly tortured her and she quickly escalated my anxiety to level 9, we moved on to the description. WELL…she may as well have gone to have a nap by the time I figured out what I was going to say there.

Anyway, about 1/2 hour after I started to try to post it, I finally finished and managed to force my finger to hit the word ‘post’, then immediately panicked wishing I could undo every single thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.

I swear to God folks, when it posted and started playing, she looked at the words while I was watching the video play to make sure I was actually signing the words correctly (it was a sign language song), and she CALMLY says, “You spelled ‘trying’ wrong.”

SILENCE!

PANIC!

MORE SILENCE!

My eyes slid down to the description of the video that did NOT allow editing and my entire life flashed before my eyes because my user name is…and get this…@author_kristypantin.

—> AUTHOR <—  IT SHOWS EVERY DAMN PERSON THAT I’M AN AUTHOR AND SHOULD KNOW HOW TO SPELL THE WORD ‘TRYING’!!!

I mean it’s not like it’s a difficult word either…it’s literally the word ‘TRY’ with a frigging ‘ING’ after it!!!

I spelled it ‘Tring’…TRING!!!! Who does that???

APPARENTLY ME WHEN I’M BEING ALL PANICKY THAT’S WHO!

And do you know what’s even worse?

It was the first damn word in the sentence.

I dropped my phone on my chest and stared at the wall in horror, convinced TikTok was now a done deal for me!

My daughter was killing herself laughing beside me as she picked up my phone and pressed some buttons without me even caring anymore since I had just made the entire TikTok world believe I couldn’t spell.

She put my phone in front my face (still laughing her ass off), and said, “It’s ok mom, I deleted the video…just redo it.” To add insult to injury, she patted the top of my head.

In utter confusion I looked at the phone then at my absolutely amazing genius of a child…then…realized that I might have, maybe just a teeny, tiny bit…overreacted to the situation so much that the simplest solution didn’t even occur to me.

So ummmm….yeah the anxiety and panic attack thing I told you about earlier that I’m totally going to beat? It might possibly take a little time hehe. Oh, and thank God for children!!!

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